Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize