Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
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Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
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I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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