you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
