allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
