Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just forgot I was standing up.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
