Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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