it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
