You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
