Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
YAS. BRING CRAB.