Texts From Last Night

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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.

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  (330): I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome. http://tfl.nu/21pe
  Replies (22) Good night (29295) Bad night (1234)
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  (805): View more from California

  why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??

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  (805): why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego?? http://tfl.nu/9r13
  Replies (57) Good night (666) Bad night (3127)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?

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  (573): how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain? http://tfl.nu/ptj1
  Replies (7) Good night (3313) Bad night (668)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.

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  (513): I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties. http://tfl.nu/yluk
  Replies (7) Good night (3968) Bad night (674)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more

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  (205): I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more http://tfl.nu/noxu
  Replies (39) Good night (1187) Bad night (5415)
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  (310): View more from California

  it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.

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  (310): it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls. http://tfl.nu/2hrl
  Replies (30) Good night (10591) Bad night (1038)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.

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  (843): The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson. http://tfl.nu/6x6n
  Replies (22) Good night (1758) Bad night (5692)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.

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  (701): I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships. http://tfl.nu/filq
  Replies (12) Good night (3928) Bad night (1240)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping

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  (216): Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping http://tfl.nu/0qth
  Replies (9) Good night (932) Bad night (3792)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.

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  (512): I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub. http://tfl.nu/cojk
  Replies (7) Good night (6200) Bad night (1245)
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  (516): View more from New York

  matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.

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  (516): matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed. http://tfl.nu/kzo6
  Replies (3) Good night (2003) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.

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  (845): She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'. http://tfl.nu/t716
  Replies (3) Good night (1864) Bad night (599)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina

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  (217): I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina http://tfl.nu/lruw
  Replies (8) Good night (1454) Bad night (675)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.

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  (630): I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide. http://tfl.nu/564g
  Replies (14) Good night (1189) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain

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  (734): I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain http://tfl.nu/tlzg
  Replies (0) Good night (342) Bad night (175)

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