your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.