i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Randomize
