The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
