I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
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Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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