We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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