Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
