I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
