It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
