just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
