I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
