I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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