Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
