So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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