Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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