the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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