is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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