thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
