He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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