why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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