you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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