I feel great
I just peed on a car
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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