i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
