I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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