Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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