I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
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