At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
