so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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