In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
