He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
