My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
