Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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