Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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