remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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