I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
