Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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