i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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