Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
