Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
