Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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