I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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