So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
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You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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