i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
