it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
