This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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