Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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