The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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