I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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