Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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