we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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