you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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