I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?