I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...