I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.