first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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