Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Randomize
