I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
