Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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