that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
