Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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