i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
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i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
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We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize