dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
