I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
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We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
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The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.