At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots