since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize
