I'm fucking your sister right now.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
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why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today