I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
