I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
