So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
