Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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