This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
