my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
