I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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