I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
