Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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