You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
