I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
