tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
