the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
