Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
