It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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