people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
